Thursday, April 26, 2012
Do you ever feel like you just need to have a conversation with the Lord? or maybe you don't need a conversation but a begging session? You know like when you were a little kid and you'd stomp your feet then whine until someone gave you what you wanted? My Mother calls them temper tantrums. Oh you never did that? Well I think I did. Sometimes as an adult I feel like I want to just scream & cry then stomp my feet until the Lord moves. I know that is so childish and no one else ever feels that way, right? HAHAHAHA
You are just too embarrassed to say it!
Come on...you know you've felt that way too. You've been patient for what seems like a long time. Okay, maybe it has only been like 15 minutes or maybe it has been years. Don't you ever just want the Lord to just move right now?!? Have you ever prayed and said Lord if you don't move 'right now' then I don't know what I'll do? Maybe you haven't but I have!
Tonight as Charlie & I are getting all of our last minute things together for a youth retreat this weekend, we received a call from our son. I could tell by the sound of his voice that something was wrong. Really it was probably because the first words out of his mouth were something like "Mom, don't panic.". You don't start a phone call like that and then expect me not to panic. Then he says "I just need you to pray.". I'm thinking "Oh geez, what now?" But I was the good Mom and said "Son, what is it? What has happened?" He continues to tell me that he has hurt his ankle playing in the last basketball game of the season and they think it is broke. He has very weak ankles and we've been through this many times but always before we've had health insurance. Well, without jobs, guess what? You got it. No health insurance! Let me say he's only fractured his ankle once and that was last summer. Always before it was just really bad sprains.
To get to the point...we went over to the school to pick him up. Of course he had to watch the rest of the game! I mean you know it was the last & final game of the season...the championship game. Picture this...my son, the number 2 scorer in the league for the entire season, sitting on the sidelines in a soft splint with his foot propped up in chair. The entire time he is wincing if he barely moves his foot. But he still cheers on the teams...talking trash from the sidelines. Oh btw, his team didn't make it to the championship game. After he hurt his ankle his team lost...Boo!
I guess you are trying to figure out why I started this post out by asking if you've ever had a conversation with the Lord or a begging session. Well, now that you've pictured my son, picture me...I'm on my way home alone. Charlie is driving the son home. I am crying the entire way and talking to the Lord or should I say screaming to the Lord. My conversation went something like this... "Why? Why can't something be easy? Why do you think I'm so strong? Can't you tell I'm not? I'm weak and I really can't take much more. I don't mean to be ungrateful but I can't do this anymore. I'm tired. Please make it all better. Please put the bones back together again. Don't let his ankle be broken. You know where we stand. You know we don't have the money to do this." Seriously, no pausing...just me begging the Lord... Next time you see a child pitching a temper tantrum just think of me because that was totally me this evening...I don't know how I even made it home because I surely couldn't see. A little bit ago I was washing the dishes and I was thinking to myself "Krista, that wasn't a conversation. You weren't listening. You were the only one talking." A conversation requires that both people are allowed to talk.
Sometimes I forget to listen for the Lord to talk back to me. I'm not talking about a supernatural Johnny Cash voice from the sky. I don't expect that! But I do think the Lord can 'talk' to you. Most of the time it is through the preached Word and you'll get a special message. Then sometimes I'll feel something come to my heart...like the Lord is sending me his spirit to comfort me. I know he does because many times I'll feel his sweet Holy Ghost just when I need it but tonight I was so intent on telling him how I couldn't make it that I wasn't open to receive his spirit.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not always begging the Lord for things. I thank him for his blessings often. Charlie and I were actually talking about how the Lord has blessed us the last few months when Trevlyn called with the news. The thing is even when I'm thanking him, or praising him, I'm talking! I realized tonight that I need to shut-up and listen. The Lord must have something he needs to say to me and I'm not getting it. So, from now on I'm going to take more time to shut-up, listen, and try to have conversations with the Lord not begging sessions! Then I can be open to feel him wrap his arms around me and fill me with the comfort that only he can give.