Friday, January 24, 2014

That's me to a T

I wish I ...

  • owned a multi-needle embroidery machine so I could have a thriving business.
  • had a garden full of fresh vegetables.
  • could lose weight.
  • had a beautiful front yard with colorful flowers and beautiful landscaping.
  • had a college degree.
Chapter 3 of Made to Crave fits me to a T!  You see I look around at life and the things I wish I had but very rarely do I ever put in the time to make these things possible.  Granted I may do it for a while but then I quit.  Yes, I'm calling myself out today.  I'M A QUITTER!  Why?  because I lack the motivation it takes to invest the time & energy into finishing the project.

Do you need examples?  Okay, here goes:  Last year I planted seeds for tomato & cucumber plants.  I watered them as needed until I saw the first little buds.  They were so cute & adorable.  When the time was right I transplanted each bud into it's own little pot.  Hoping and praying for fresh vegetables come summer.  Guess what?  Those little plants never made it out of the little pots.  I let them die.  I didn't water them and care for them enough to keep them growing.  Some other project came up that took more of my time and they never made into the ground.  So, guess what?  I bought all my tomatoes & cucumbers from a fruit stand down the road.  I wanted the fruit but I didn't have the necessary gumption to do what was required of me.

Do you need another example?  I love to sew!  I own a small single needle sewing/embroidery machine.  I have people all the time ask me to make things for them and I my own time.  I would love to own a multi-needle embroidery machine.  Why you ask?  Because I'd love to expand my business.  To do that requires that I invest money and I mean a good chunk of money!  That requires that I invest a lot of time to really sew every day.  Not just every other day or when I 'feel' like it!  Now on this subject something else comes into play and not just the necessary discipline to do the work.  I am scared of failure.  What if I invest all this time & money and I fail?  

That brings us to my third example, losing weight!   For years I've wanted to lose weight and I need to lose weight for my health.  I turned 40 this last year and I made a commitment to be more healthy!  Guess what?  I've lost 20 pounds and then I stopped.  I've made so many excuses; first it was all our family birthdays in October, then came Thanksgiving, and then Christmas.  I mean who can diet during all those parties.  Why should I deny myself?  Please!  

In my mind I know that I can't just wish myself thinner and it happen.  I know that I have to put in the time and be committed but my heart doesn't follow my mind.  I have to have the will-power and determination to keep trying.  How do you change your heart?  My heart wants chips, salsa, cheese, and pasta!  

Is it really my heart?  or does my heart want to be thin and my mind isn't following suit?  I don't know but what I do know is I need a change.  I need to be less scared of failure.  I need to realize that God is in control, that is if I let him be.  

My nephew had his tonsils & adenoids removed back in December and I took care of him a couple of days.  I tried relentlessly to get him to eat & drink.  I followed him around with a cup of water constantly trying to get him to drink.  Finally he said "I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it!"  That is me!  My will is so strong that I feel like I am being deprived of things that I want and I began to justify why I should just eat what I want, buy what I want, sew when I want, etc.  

Something has to give!  I'm tired of the constant struggle.  I'm tired of having the will power for weeks on end and then just giving up.  I'm not just referring to food either.  I need this in my life.  In all my decisions.  In everything I want or desire.  If it is good then I need to be willing to invest the time, energy, money, effort, and most of all my entire mind and heart to completing my goal!  

I need to quit giving up because no one who gives up win a race, right?  That's why I say that it is a heart thing!  My point today is that it sounds like my will needs to be broken so that I can have God's will in my life.  I know God isn't going to just hand me everything in life.  He is not the fairy godmother in Cinderella!  However, if I will work for the good things I desire then he will give me those things.  He can also give me a change of heart!  

Prayer...I've been doing a lot of that lately.  


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