I was sent this link today in my daily devotion. http://www.christianitytoday.com/le/currenttrendscolumns/leadershipweekly/minuteseternity.html It brought back a ton of memories and tears.
On December 22nd 1994, I lost my 3rd child. Believe it or not, I am at a loss for words. I am not like the people in this article that carried the baby to term and were able to hold it. No, my baby died in my womb. I was about 12 weeks pregnant when the baby died, and my body didn’t try to miscarry. I would have carried the baby to term, but it wouldn’t have been a live birth. If I remember correctly, I believe my due date would have been in June of 1995, but we chose to have the doctor take it that December.
I was never able to hold my baby or name it. I’ve always thought it would have been a boy, but I don’t know. After testing the doctors told me I lost the baby because of what is called ‘Trisomy 13’. Most babies born with this defect do not make it to term, and if they do they usually don’t live long. A trisomy pregnancy can be many different things depending on which chromosome has three instead of the normal two. The result could be anything from a cleft palate to down syndrome to dwarfism.
It took me years to grieve. At first it seemed like it didn’t happen to me. I was separate from this tragedy that occurred in our life. Then one day I was sitting in church and someone was singing a song about Jesus’ have a rocking chair, and I lost it! Yes, I mean sobbing, bellering, squalling, lost it… It was almost 2 years after I lost the baby. I had to leave the sanctuary. Charlie took me home and it was like it had just happened.
I know that God has a plan. I always wanted to have at least four kids, but I guess that wasn’t in God’s plan. I have two children that I have watched become wonderful young adults. Different people have different ideas about when a baby has a soul and I don’t want to get into that discussion. Suffice it to say, it makes me feel peace to believe that I have a child that I’ll meet in Heaven.