Monday, April 4, 2011

I wish that I could fly away...

On the wings of a great golden bird
To a place where there are no unhappy days
And there are no unhappy words
Standing alone in a storm of life
Without any way to turn
Tears are falling down like rain
From the lessons that I have learned
Yea, I wish that I could fly away
To a land beyond this pain
And lay my dreams on a mountain top
And wash my mind in the rain
Words by Frank Dycus
Psalms 55:6 And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away, and be at rest.

Sometimes life becomes unbearable and human nature says run away or hide from the problems.  We all know as adults that is impossible.  Your problems don’t go away because you pretend they are not there.  The song above was written about love & heartbreak, but that isn’t what I am writing about today.  I am writing about those problems that seem insurmountable.  Whether it be grief over the death of a loved one, sickness, financial problems, or heartbreak.    
The last few years it seems that it has been one problem after another in our life.  I have been taught that there is only one place you can run, and that is into the arms of God.  He will comfort you when it seems that no comfort is to be found.  When the fear of life has you in a death grip ask God to take away the fear and pain.  When you actually think about it, life is frightening.  God didn’t promise that we would never feel pain or heartache, but he did promise that he would never leave us alone. 
I’ve always had a fear in my life of being left alone; that the people I love the most would just disappear out of my life.  Sometimes death takes your loved ones but more often than not we just get so wrapped up in our lives that we become out of sight out of mind.  If it isn’t someone that we see or talk to on a daily basis then they get pushed to the backburner.  I don’t let many people get close to me because of that fear.  I keep only a few close because I just couldn’t bear it if I lost someone that I love.
I thought that I had almost overcome that fear and then Charlie’s parents died.   The first few months after their death I was afraid every time my children left my sight that I wouldn’t see them again.  I would panic and my heart would race until they made it back home.  Then I started worrying about my own parents.  I know that life is not meant to last forever, and my parents are getting older.  Eventually they will die, and I know that, but I can’t bear the thought.  Charlie tells me that we shouldn’t be afraid of death because that is are only transportation to Heaven, and I’m not afraid of my own death.  I simply don’t want my family to die! 
Yesterday we went to Dalton and visited Charlie’s brothers.  We met out at the cemetery, and I planted flowers in the vases at the tombstone.  They kept asking me why I wanted real flowers and not silk like was on all the other tombstones.  Loyd always tried to teach me how to plant a garden, and I just never could get it right.  One time he & I planted two tomato plants at my house.  I tended them just like he told me.  I grew the prettiest plants you’ve ever seen, but I never had one tomato on those plants.  He would just laugh every time he would see them.  Lethia would bring home the Easter lilies from the Easter Memorial Service, plant them in her yard, and just as pretty as you please those flowers would come back the next year.  Not me!  My lilies would die in the pot within days and I always forgot to plant them.  So, yesterday I took my time getting just the right potting soil, and picking out just the right flower.  Then we went to the cemetery and they all watched me put those pretty flowers in the vases.  I made my niece promise to water them.  Hopefully they’ll live and if they don’t well then I know that Loyd will have a good laugh over my attempt at gardening.  He always did!
Sometimes I say that Life is not being very nice to us right now.  The memories of death seem so close to my mind, health issues and then the financial problems that we are having seem ever present.  It looks like everything is going good for a few days and then we come spiraling right back down.   Sometimes I think that would like to run away, but then I remember ‘where would I run’?  God is right there with me.   Without God in my life I couldn’t make it.  He is my ever present help in my time of need.  This too shall pass!  When this time of my life is over I’ll look back and see how God brought me through, and maybe I can use something that has happened to me to help others in their time of need.  ‘But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.’ Job 23:10
Isaiah 40:31  But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint.