Life goes on. The babies you once held tight become adults. The toddler that begged you not to let go of their hand now is that young adult who wants you to let go. The little boy who walked off the field holding back his tears until he saw his Mother is now walking away from his Mother as she holds back her tears.
You raise them to be independent adults, but I don’t think it is ever easy to let them go. I know we’ve taught him right, and now it is time for him to walk on his own. I was thinking this morning of the first steps he took and how we held his hands as he teetered. At only 9 months he walked, not just walked but ran! At 2 he could ride a bicycle without training wheels. I should have known then that he would want to live on his own at a young age. He wants to make his own path. Understandable, isn’t that what we all want? Why then is it so hard to let go?
Last night, Trevlyn asked his Dad & I to sit down and talk with him. He had an important decision to discuss with us. He was such an adult about it all. He had everything lined out. When we first sat down I asked him if we were going to have an Amway presentation. He had his computer out, a folder, and jokingly said he needed to go get his HDMI cable so he could connect it to the TV and let us see his presentation. My baby boy then told us that he had toured apartments and found one that he thought he could afford. He had a spreadsheet of everything he would need from towels, pots & pans, to decorations and furniture. The costs of each were totaled. He had his monthly budget calculated with rent, utilities, and even his entertainment which consists of cable/internet so he can play his PS3. His original date was August 1st. I felt like my heart broke, but I held back the tears. If I’ve been successful raising him then he should be a successful adult, right? Then he tells us that after much prayer he would like to move that out 1 year. He would then be able to save the money each month and move out with a considerable savings. I slowly picked up the pieces of my heart.
I didn’t sleep much last night. The fear that I’ve lived with the last few years made a very strong reappearance last night. What if he doesn’t make it on his own? What if the apartments catch on fire? What if he doesn’t make it home at night? How will I know? I can’t imagine the first night he doesn’t sleep under my roof, but in his own apartment. I probably won’t sleep that night either! I had to remind myself throughout the night that God is not the God of fear, and we are his children. God is much better at taking care of his children than I am!
I remember when I was pregnant with him at the age of 17. I remember thinking this baby will always love me. This will be the one person in this world who will always love me unconditionally. He would fight for me and has. The first few years of our marriage weren’t the best. Charlie & I argued a lot! Trevlyn would always stand in front of me & yell at his Dad to stop. He never wanted us to argue. He has always been my little warrior!
When he was about eight he went through a phase where he had a hard time dealing with his emotions. He had a lot of built up anger and didn’t know how to vent. The school called me in for a conference. He had discussed with his counselors at length why he had so much anger. Most of it stemmed from the early years of our marriage. You would never believe that what you do in front of your toddler will impact them, but it does! I didn’t know what to do. Of course the school wanted me to take him to a child psychologist and they would put him on medication. By this time Charlie & I were both going to church and trying to live our life for the Lord. I remember calling my Mother as I drove down Red Bud Rd. I was squalling because I felt like I had let down my child. I had caused this to happen, and now I didn’t know what to do. I’ll never forget my Mother’s words. She said “Krista, give him to the Lord, and let God take care of him.” I did that on that day. I gave my child back to the Lord who had given him to me. From that day forward, God changed my child’s heart.
Trevlyn now lives his life for the Lord. He is a very tender hearted, compassionate young man. He’s not perfect, but he’s my baby boy! We always say those are shoulder blades not angel’s wings. I’m sure he’ll make mistakes. We all do. I know he has a great work for the Lord. God has an anointing on his life. I have already seen where his life has impacted others. I will continue to pray, as I always have, that God will keep a hedge of protection around him that Satan will not destroy him. I told him last night, as I have many times over his lifetime, that as long as he keeps God as his number one priority then he can do anything that he wants to.
Therefore also I have lent him to the LORD; as long as he liveth he shall be lent to the LORD. And he worshipped the LORD there. 1 Samuel 1:28