Saturday, September 12, 2009

In the Shelter of His Arms

Well, it's been 2 months since I've posted, and a lot of things have happened in my life. I've still been reading your blogs and commenting from time to time. It isn't that I've not had trials because I've had plenty. Some I've overcome, and some I'm still going through.

It seems like since April that I've been walking through a valley. A dark dark valley. There is a verse from Job that describes the last few months for me.

Job 23: 8-10 Behold, I go forward, but he is not there; and backward, but I cannot perceive him: On the left hand, where he doth work, but I cannot behold him: he hideth himself on the right hand, that I cannot see him: But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.

I can't name one thing that I've been going through. I know many people have lost jobs, and are in a financial crisis, but thankfully God has taken care of us financially. I started a new job in August. I am now working back in Inside Sales for a company that manufacturers automotive exhaust products. Last month Charlie had a horrible gall bladder attack that resulted in surgery. During the surgery the doctor also repaired an umbilical hernia and now Charlie has been out of work since August 17th, but we are making it. The doctor says he may be out of work another 2 or 3 weeks. There is no way that we could have survived if I hadn't already been working at this new job making better money.

The crux of it is, I am scared. Yes, horribly frightened! I feel like that something else bad or tragic is going to happen. I have to tell myself everyday that the Lord is holding me in his arms, and that he is with me. It is almost like I have to give myself a personal pep rally daily in order to live. I don't want to be this way.

The nights are the worst. A few months ago I posted about having a dream that my Mother died. Well, dreams like that are now a nightly occurrence. Last night, I dreamt that Charlie died. I'm scared when my children drive away that it may be the last time that I see them. About a month ago my brother called to tell me that my Dad is very sick. The doctors don't know what is wrong with him and he may not live much longer. It is some type of blood disorder. The first thing I thought was "Oh, God, I can't take another death!" How selfish is that?

My only consolation is that last verse in Job...when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold. I've had people tell me that they perceive me as being a strong person, even intimidating, but if they only knew how weak that I really am.

"There are storms that we all encounter
Do not fear they will do you no harm
In the Lord you will find protection
In the shelter of His arms "


Mari said...

Oh Krista - I hurt for you as I read this. You certainly have been through a lot lately. I know that God has promised us that He won't test us more than we can take, but sometimes it sure feels like it.
I will pray for you and the anxiety you are feeling, and also for the health of your family.
We recently had a message at church from a passage that that really touched me. It's a great promise so I want to share it with you:
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned. Isaiah 43:1-3

Valerie said...

Krista, My heart goes out to you. I didn't realize that you were going through all of this. My prayers are with you. I love you. If we can do anything to help you, please call or email.

Carliea said...

As I read this I thought about what Bro. Jerry said tonight about Satan desiring to have you. I know that God will keep you safe and will help you in this time. Soon this time will be a memory and you will rejoice to tell others how you made it through, with God! I love you and I will be praying for you.