Opening Up

Since my 1 year anniversary just passed, I have been thinking about the direction that I've taken this blog in. I was going through many trials when I first started the blog, both financial & health issues. I wanted a place that I could share my feelings & struggles without condemnation. I needed friends that would lift me up when I was down, and pray for me when I needed it. I've realized that I haven't opened up very much about my feelings, and as things in life became harder I actually closed up! I want to share something with you that happened this weekend. Believe me it shows how human that I am. I was reading this blog today and it encouraged me to open up.

So, here goes. First a little background...Charlie & I have decided that we are going to try the Dave Ramsey plan, again. Yes, we've done this before but it never works. For one reason or another we just can't do it. For instance, we have decided we are going to go through with the envelope system, snowballing our debts, etc, but we are still planning our vacation this year. Actually our vacation is already almost paid for. Now, Dave Ramsey would have said to take that money and pay off some of your bills, right? Yes, that is right, but we justified in our minds that we need a vacation. Okay, so next we also said we'd only go out to eat on Sunday afternoons after church. That way we can go with our church family and spend time with them. Okay so here's the story. This past weekend we went out as a family on Saturday so we decided we wouldn't go out on Sunday. Now, in my head I knew this, but my heart wasn't going along with it. Sunday afternoon comes and my son mentions going to Ci-Ci's pizza to eat lunch. It would be cheap, he says, and it has been a long time since we've been there. My wonderful head of the household says No, we've already decided. Yes, when I say we, I mean we, We try to make this a family decision so everyone knows the reason why and no one can argue. Well, my belly thought it sounded good too. I didn't really want to go home and eat leftovers. I wanted something different, and I didn't want to cook. Needless to say the discussion became heated. Yes, it was in front of our children. There was a lot of you don't stand behind me, and well you don't care what I want... It was horrible. Even as I am writing this, I am ashamed. We made it home. Charlie told the kids to go in the house, and we stayed in the truck to "talk". It ended rather blandly. Charlie just said this discussion is over, and got out of the truck. I being upset, went where I always go when I'm upset, WALMART. I ran away. I couldn't even look at him. I was ashamed, hurt, and mad. I felt like such a kid, I mean why couldn't we go to Ci-Ci's!

I came back home after a couple of hours, and then around 4:30 we went back to church for choir practice & evening service. Charlie & I are good fakers. We still hadn't spoken and I don't guess anyone knew any difference. Our kids were just being quiet, and watching. I'm sure they were thinking a volcano was going to erupt at any minute. We had a wonderful service, and I began to feel absolutely horrible about the things I had said. I knew in my heart that I had been disrespectful to my husband, and my children. What a stupid argument!?!? I am the one who wanted to do the financial makeover in the first place, and he was just making sure that I followed through. At church that night we went to the alter together, our entire family. I could hear Charlie praying about uniting our hearts, and not letting Satan destroy what God had given us. See we've not always had a perfect marriage. When we have arguments we tend to bring up things from the past, and if you've ever been to marriage counseling than you know that is a no-no! I knew that I was the one that was wrong, and I owed my husband an apology. But more than that, I needed his forgiveness. On our way home from church I asked him to forgive me, and I asked the kids to forgive me too. I wanted them to understand that what I had done was not right, and it was silly & stupid. Of course, Charlie said he would forgive me but then he did something I'll never forget. He asked me to forgive him for being dramatic. You may think that is funny or odd, but if you knew my husband you'd understand. He said he blew it out of proportion, and we were both at fault.

So the moral of the story is just like the picture says at top, it may be hard, but the Husband is the Head of the House! Don't let your children come between you! Stand united together!