Out on the Ocean Sailing

As of Saturday morning, me & 15 of my family will be boarding the Carnival Liberty setting sail for Ocho Rios Jamaica, Grand Cayman, & Roatan Honduras! I'll see you back here on Monday, June 8th!

Upper Classmen

First Day of School 2006-2007 Trevlyn was a Freshman & Beth was in 8th grade. Isn't it cute how they dressed alike? They didn't realize it until I took this picture! It was a good thing they were still in different schools then!

First Day of School 2007-2008 Trevlyn was a Sophmore & Beth was a freshman. This picture was taken as they were getting ready to walk down the steps to school. Can you tell they are embarrassed?

We don't have a 2008-2009 picture because they decided they were too old for me to be taking 1st day of school pictures! So sad...:(

What?? This is what my daughter said to me last night. She said "Mom, do you realize that as of today both of your children are officially upper classmen?"

No, I refuse to believe it! My babies are still my babies. It just seems like yesterday that they were born. I can still remember my pregnancies and their births in vivid detail. How could this be? Trevlyn will be a senior, and is turning 18 in November. Beth will be a junior, and just turned 16 in March.

Can we stop time? There are so many things that I wanted to do with them before they were grown. I still have so many things on my list. I know they aren't leaving and will probably still live with us while they are in college. (because I refuse to let them go off to college) Overprotective? MUCH!! However, I know things are going to be different. They are already making so many decisions on their own. I just want to say, please don't forget about your dear Mom & Dad! You still love us remember? We are cool too! You don't have to spend all your time with CHARLIE EMERT!!!!!

Charlie is a great young man, but both of my children would rather spend time with him than with us! I am a little jealous, can you tell? Really I would rather they spend time with him than with some of their school friends! I just miss them wanting to spend time with me.

I miss my babies!

Stress + Krista = Disaster

About this time last year my health problems started, and it was during a stressful time of my life too! I had a few problems with some friends, I quit working for my Dad, and then what happens...I start having major migraines! Okay, so stress is not my friend, and that is what the doctor said. Make sure you are getting at least 8 hours of sleep a night, eat properly (no skipping meals which I have a tendency to do), and remove stress from your life. Now just how do you do that? Remove stress from your life...if anyone has figured that out let me know!

I am looking forward to our vacation in 8 days! There are 16 of us going on a cruise. Ultimately that is a no stress situation, but leave it to me to make it stressful. Who else gets stressed out over making sure everything is packed, and that we have enough money to have a good time without overspending? AAARRRRGGGGHHHH Why can't anything just be simple in my mind? I think I am wired to make everything complicated! I don't intend to, it just happens. I start thinking of all the 'what if' factors. Like, 'what if' we can't fit all of our luggage in the vehicle? 'What if' we don't make it to the boat in time? 'What if' our passport cards don't get here before next Friday? Now Charlie knows my problem and has already made appropriate measures to ensure that none of these things will cause a problem. For instance, he made arrangements that we can put the luggage on top of the vehicle if the back isn't big enough. He wants to leave before 8pm, which should give us plenty of time to get to the port before 1pm the next day (it is a 12 hour drive). I checked with the cruise line, multiple times, and as long as we have our birth certificates and are leaving & returning to a US port than we don't even need our passports. Okay so everything is taken care of, right? NO, my mind just starts coming up with more potential 'what ifs'? I can't even let vacation be simple!

If Brendia is reading this she is probably rolling out of her chair laughing because she knows how OCD I am! I even made a packing spreadsheet to make sure I didn't forget anything. Guess What? I did, Brendia emailed me yesterday afternoon to tell me that I left off shaving cream! By the end of the week I would have been a woolly mammoth!

I need a mental vacation! Hopefully I will get one on Sunday. Our first day on the cruise is a day at sea! I can't wait. I have already told everyone that I am unavailable that entire day! I want to lay out in the sun or even just sleep in the room. Whatever it takes to relax, that is what I am doing!

Enough about vacation. Let's talk about my job. Most of you know that I started this job in December 2008. I work in a retail cell phone store in the mall. I do not work retail hours. I work Monday - Friday 8:30-5. I found out this week that my schedule is probably going to change. We are going to a new scheduling system that schedules everyone based on store needs and projected customer needs. Even though my job is not customer impacting, my job title is. I have a job title that doesn't relate to my actual job duties. The district manager is trying to get the back office sales support to be exempt from this new schedule but we don't know yet if this is going to be possible. There are 7 of us that do the same job in this district just in different stores. Our job was a trial thing and the other stores in the nation do not have a back office person. This could mean that I would have to work anytime that the store is open Sunday - Saturday pretty much 10am - 9pm. Of course Sundays are 12 - 6, but that still causes a problem. Then we were told that our job might even be phased out since the other stores do not have a position such as ours. Our position was created to increase efficiencies. We do most of the office management duties so the store manager can be on the sales floor increasing sales. If our district manager can't prove that we've increased efficiencies and sales are increased because of us then why do they need a back office person? The manager could go back to doing the paperwork before the store opens. They pay him a salary anyway, right?

So, Please pray for me and my job. I want the Lord's will. Charlie & I really need the second income to make our bills each month. While I would much rather be at home being a good housewife, the mountain that we've created must be crossed first. We have paid off a good amount of debt since I've been working but we still have more. I should know something for sure once I get back from vacation.

It makes me remember that God is in control. I AM NOT!! We are all in God's hands.

It happened again...

This past weekend our church held our annual minister's convention. It begins on Friday night, and goes through Sunday night. We always have a great time, but it is very tiring. The Friday night service is mostly singing, and just a short sermon. Saturday & Sunday we have 2 services each day. By the end of the Sunday night service we are all exhausted which gets me to the reason I am posting today.

Last night I became very sick during the service. Actually it happened at the very beginning of service. I started feeling dizzy, and then I felt almost like an explosion in my head. It felt like ants were crawling all over my head or a thousand needles. Then I couldn't feel my fingers or toes on my right side. I guess I could feel them, it just felt like needles or like they both went to sleep. I'm sure you all know how that feels. I sit there for a few minutes just trying to keep it together. I didn't want to lose it in front of 3000 people. My sister was sitting next to me and she began to realize something was wrong with me. Charlie was sitting on the rostrum with all the ministers but I tried to get his attention to let him know that I needed prayer! He saw me and looked at me funny. He later told me that he could tell something was wrong but he couldn't understand what I was saying. As I sit there I begin to feel nauseous then I felt like I had to go to the bathroom. I told my sister that I was going to try to get to the bathroom. She asked me if I wanted her to get Charlie. I think I said yes, but I'm not really sure. When I stood up I thought I was going to fall back down. I made my way past the people that were sitting on the pew and finally made it to the aisle. I didn't have far to walk to get out of the sanctuary but it felt like miles.

We made it to the bathroom without accident. I was barely walking, and I really felt like a drunk person. I was washing my hands and I heard Charlie in the hall asking where I was. I still couldn't feel my right foot or right hand. I walked out of the bathroom and when I saw him I started crying. He asked me what I wanted him to do, and all I could say was pray for me. I tried to tell him what was wrong but my words were slurring. He prayed for a long time, and I began to have feeling come back into my right side. I told him that I felt like I would be okay, and I wanted to go back into the church.

I sit through the remainder of the service trying to control my right side. I was involuntarily shaking, but only on that side. I held my arms crossed so that no one would notice or so I thought. Beth was on my left side and Brendia was on my right. At one point during the service Beth moved over and I almost fell. I didn't realize that I was leaning on her until then. I don't know how long the service lasted. I know that 2 preachers spoke but don't ask me what they spoke on because I have no idea. During the service I was talking quietly to myself. I just kept saying No, I will not be like ______ (another lady that has had seizures in our church), and No, I will no let this claim me! Later Brendia said that I was saying No, but that was it.

After the service was finally over, Charlie came down from the rostrum to get me. We were trying to get out of the church, but with over 3000 people it was difficult to do it quickly. There were also several people from all over the country that we really needed to tell bye because it will be months before we see them again. We made our way down the center aisle, and spoke to a couple of people. I talked to my brother from Florida and told him good bye. I sat down in a chair once while Charlie was talking to someone else. An older man that we know came by and spoke to Charlie and then to me. He walked on by me but then he came back. He told me that he felt like the Lord was going to heal my body, and that it was going to happen right then. I sat there for a couple more minutes and it was almost like a fog lifted off my head. Charlie quit talking and we walked on down the aisle. As we were walking down the aisle, Charlie's cousin walked up to me and hugged me. She also told me that she felt like the Lord was going to move for me. She said she hadn't ever prophesied to anyone before but she really felt like telling me that.

Several of my family stopped us to ask if I was okay. I told them I was feeling better and that we were going home. You see this is the same thing that happened to me last year and this is why I went to the neurologist. The doctor has diagnosed me with partial on-set seizures, but I refused to take the medication. I haven't had a "spell" since last July after the church elders anointed and prayed over me. My family was very worried about me. My daughter told me later that went I went out to the restroom that my face was white as a ghost. We made it home and I slept well last night without incident. For that I am grateful. I was afraid that once I went to sleep I would go into a full blown seizure but I didn't. I know that God was watching over me.

Today I am work. My right side is extremely sore. I feel like I've been lifting weights or something. I am a little dizzy today, but nothing that I can't handle. I am still believing in my miracle. I have Faith that God won't let me down. I will not let this take me over. Please pray for me and help me believe!

Coulter's Comfort

While we were staying at the ICU of the Dalton Hospital I noticed that a couple of ladies were delivering quilts. Being that I am a new quilter, I began to ask questions. My niece then told me that her daughter, my great-niece, had received one of the quilts. I then went up to the patient representative, Ashley, that was delivering the quilts, and asked where they came from. She told me the most heart wrenching story.

Coulter was not a crier. But one bad day at the clinic, after numerous procedures, he had enough. On the way home he began to cry. And he cried and he cried and he cried. This went on for hours. It broke my heart to see him so sad. I went to the psychologist at the clinic who suggested giving him a blanket to create a 'safe' place for him. He could hide under the blanket, make a tent, or make it a 'no ouchie' zone. What ever worked for him. Coulter loved teletubbies, so the next day we went to the store and got two yards of fabric. I made one blanket for Coulter and one for Annika. It did the trick. He loved the blanket! And, while he never slept with it at home, it went to the hospital a lot with us and on the way home he'd throw it over his head and sleep under it. It gave me a great sense of relief to have given him some comfort.

This child's Mom started a group of ladies in Georgia that makes and donates blankets to children who for whatever reason have to be in or at the hospital in honor of Coulter. I think this is an awesome outreach and a help to so many children. You can visit their website for more information.

Look for me

When we've been there ten thousand years, a million, maybe two, look for me for I will be there too! Lethia has been in Heaven now for 4 weeks and Loyd for 3. I wonder if it feels like just a day.

Mother's Day is coming up this weekend, and we had plans to go to Georgia to spend it with Lethia. We've not talked much about Mother's day since. I am trying not to push anything. I don't want to make an uncomfortable situation any more unbearable.

We've had a tradition on Mother's Day since the first year we were married. I was just pregnant with Trevlyn and not really even a Mom yet. There is a little restaurant in Chattanooga TN called Bea's that Charlie takes me to. I went there with my grandmother when I was little, and Charlie knew it was one of my favorite restaurants. After we moved to Knoxville we would still go down after church on Sunday and eat there. The last few years Charlie's Mom & Dad had met us there so we could spend Mother's Day with them and still celebrate our tradition. Charlie may surprise me and we may still go to Bea's, but honestly I don't know if I could handle it. This Mother's Day will be a very sad day. Please remember Charlie. We all still need your prayers!

Monday,April 13th - Thursday,April 16th

Okay, I am going to fast forward through the rest of the week. As you can tell from my previous posts the family tension was horrible, and made everything worse. However things are starting to work themselves out, and I really don't want to talk about it anymore. This will be a long post, but it will be the last about the wreck and the incidents following it.

On Monday morning at 5:45 we were back to see Loyd. I loved those first morning visits. It was usually just me & Charlie, and maybe one of our kids if they woke up that early. We tried to let them sleep till the second visitation because it was always 1 or 2 in the morning before the rest of the family went home and we could all try to go to sleep. So, that morning just a little after 6 the neurosurgeon came in and told us that at sometime over the weekend Loyd had a stroke. His was unable to feel his left side, and had become unresponsive to commands. Meaning that he would no longer squeeze your hand and then let go when told or open his eyes on command. He could still squeeze your hand but he wouldn't let go. The doctor said that was a muscle reflex and not because he wanted to. Again his right side was the only side where he could do that at all. As we talked to the doctor, Charlie started talking to his Daddy. The doctor gave him a few exercises that could make Loyd respond. He taught Charlie how to get him to lift his eyebrows, wiggle his fingers and toes. In the matter of just a few minutes he was responding to Charlie's voice commands, but he still wouldn't respond to the doctors or nurses. His responses were always a little unusual; like from the beginning he would respond better to my daughter Elizabeth than anyone. He would try to lift his entire arm up when he heard her voice. He would lift his eyelids a little when I would sing, and then when our old Pastor came in to talk to him he tried to lift his right hand like he wanted to shake his hand. We could tell by these acts that God was still in control.

Then the lung doctor came in. All of this during that first AM visit. Believe me Monday was a most eventful day. He told us that even with the ventilator he was not getting a full deep breath. They were very concerned about the continued path and what the children should decide to do. The children had all already told him that no other methods of life support could be done. Meaning, no cutting, chest compressions, heart support, or brain support. The lung doctor wanted to insert the tubes via a trach, but he knew the circumstances. He basically told us that morning that if we weren't going to do anything else than we needed to just remove the ventilator completely. We were just prolonging Loyd's suffering. Yes, his pain was getting worse everyday. They were giving him more and more morphine everyday which also slowed his responses to anyone. The doctor asked Charlie to sign a DNR so that the hospital would have the information in writing. Charlie explained that he couldn't and wouldn't do that without talking to his siblings first. Charlie always wanted them to be in agreement before anything was done, but most of the time when the doctors came by we were the only ones there.

At about 8am, the nurses came running out. Loyd's right lung had collapsed and there was a 4cm tear in it as well. They wanted to do a chest tube. Charlie got his 2 oldest siblings on the phone and told them the news. Remember no one wanted Loyd to be cut on. He talked to them about 5 minutes and they couldn't come up with a decision. Finally Charlie said "Well I am the one here, and it can't wait. I am telling them No, and I am signing a DNR otherwise they will do a full code and we don't want that" He told them both that he loved them, and then went in with the nurses to do what he'd said. Basically he was just putting in writing what they'd all verbally agreed to anyway, but this caused a little friction. His brothers & sister finally arrived at the hospital that afternoon. They weren't happy but they understood why Charlie had to do what he'd done. They didn't want the chest tube either, but they just didn't want to put anything in writing.

Monday evening, Tuesday & Wednesday came and went. We only left the hospital for the visitation at the funeral home and then the funeral on Wednesday. Charlie wouldn't stay gone long because he didn't want his Daddy left alone. If the doors were open then he wanted to be there, so we went to visitation between visiting hours. This upset the other siblings a little bit because they thought he should be at the funeral home with them. What they didn't understand was everyone who was at the funeral home had already been at the hospital at least once, and we already felt like we'd had enough visitation.

Before the funeral on Wednesday the doctors had talked to Charlie and recommended that if we weren't going to do any other treatment that Loyd be taken off the ventilator. Charlie asked the doctors if they would meet with all the siblings on Thursday morning. He explained the funeral situation, and asked that they just let them all get through the day. After the funeral Charlie asked all the siblings to meet him at the hospital to talk to the doctors at 8:30 Thursday morning.

On Thursday morning everyone arrived as requested, but you could tell they weren't all happy campers. Charlie began by giving them all copies of something that his Mother wrote. It basically said that she always wanted her family to be peaceful and that the circle be unbroken. She never like bickering of any kind. Charlie told them that he didn't want any fighting, and that he just wanted to honor the life that his Father had lived and his requests. He asked them to be open minded and listen to the doctor. Charlie then asked them if the Pastor could pray with us all. Well, needless to say we never had prayer. Each of the brothers had something to say to Charlie from he was rushing it because we needed to get back to work to we were greedy. His sister never said anything at all. It was very ugly! They all believed that Loyd could get better, and come home. They even were talking about home health etc. Finally the doctor came out, and explained. He told us that Loyd couldn't live with the tubes down his throat, and that he would have to be on a trach. No one wanted that. He told us that Loyd would never go home. If we did decide on keeping him on the ventilator via a trach then he would go to a nursing home where he could have 24 hour nurses care. He would always be exactly like he was now, unless he had another stroke which could further restrict his ability to respond. Charlie never said anything because we had already heard this all. They all had something to say to the doctor, and really berated him. One brother said well when God is ready for him to go then his heart will stop. The doctor said well if you believe so much in God's will then why do you have him on the ventilator anyway? He said, why don't you take him off and then if it is God's will for him to continue to live he will, and if not then he'll go. After about 30 minutes the doctor finally said he had to go to surgery and to call him if we ever made a decision.

The day went on. About 1pm Charlie, me & the kids left. I needed to do laundry, and we wanted to get something to eat besides snack food. I couldn't believe Charlie wanted to leave but he said if they left his Daddy that way then he couldn't stand it and that we would probably leave Friday morning for home.

I need to preface what happened that afternoon with something else I haven't told you. There were times that Loyd would be in a lot of pain, choking, and they couldn't give him anymore morphine. The nurses would call Charlie in to pray with him and the pain would subside. None of the other children had witnessed this. That morning all the children went in together and this happened. Charlie didn't pray immediately because he wanted his brothers & sister to see the suffering that he was going through. Finally one of the brothers looked at him and asked him to please pray. He did and the pain & choking subsided. So, about 3:00 we were at the laundromat and I received a phone call from one of the granddaughters. She said her Mother, Charlie's sister, was asking Charlie to come and pray for Loyd. Well, we couldn't be there that quickly, and within 5 minutes she called back and said that her Mother had decided to remove the ventilator. She couldn't take seeing him suffering.

We started back to the hospital immediately. We almost didn't make it in time. When we walked in we realized that the entire family was in the waiting room but the door was open for visitation. We just walked straight back to Loyd's room. The nurses were there removing the tubes. He only took about 3 or 4 breaths once the tubes were removed and he was gone. He never gasped, choked, or anything that they'd prepared us for. Charlie was his only child in the room with him when he passed. I was there, my children, and 3 of the granddaughters.

It was a very sad passing. I think I reacted the worst because they had prepared us for the worst which didn't happen. They told us that he might last several hours to days, and that he might even be able to communicate with us. I wasn't prepared for him to just pass so quickly. However, I was and am very happy that he no longer had to suffer.

He lived a very full and happy life. He was a wonderful, strong man and very loved by his entire family. He loved to work and sometimes I think he lived to work or worked to live. When he couldn't work he would get sick. I miss my in-laws greatly. They were both inspirations to me. I was never counted as a daughter-in-law. They always told me I was their daughter. They had other daughters-in-law but I was the only one they ever said that to. So, I think that makes me special! I am special to have been loved by people so great! I am going to share more stories about my in-laws but they will be reflections of their life and my life with them.

Thank you all for your prayers! We have definitely needed them.