Catching Up

I can't believe it has been since April that I've blogged. I've had lots of things to happen that I could have blogged about however unfortunately I just haven't had the time. I should probably say I haven't made the time.

The last couple of years has been a sea of change for my family. Trevlyn is now 18, almost 19, and started college this fall at a local community college. Yes, he still lives at home! I wouldn't have it any other way. Elizabeth is a senior in high school, and planning her college future. She doesn't want to live at home once in college. She wants to live on campus of any college that will take her! I wish she'd stay at home too, but I'm trying not to hold her back. Once I had a lady tell me that if your children couldn't make it own their own once they were raised then you didn't do what you were supposed to do as a Mom. That is what we raise them to do, right? Be successful adults! I just wish I could wind the clock back a few years. I miss them being little. I miss the basketball games, t-ball games, and football games that we watched. I miss helping them with their homework. There is no way I can help them now! Trig, what's that? I just nod and smile when they start telling me about their homework. They are learning so much more than I did 20 years ago in high school.

I decided to post today because I wanted to record what is going on in my life right now. I am on a new journey. I have had many health problems over the last 2 years. Some of them I recorded here earlier. I've finally decided that the medical doctors weren't going to do anything for me other than make me addicted to medicine. I started going to a chiropractor in July of 2009 for the migraines I was having daily. The doctors at Exodus Chiropractic are absolutely fabulous. It is a christian atmosphere, and the doctors believe that God made our body to heal itself. This is what I've always been taught so it has been very easy for me to continue going. I visit them 2-3 times a week, and I always leave feeling refreshed both in body and mind.

One of the doctors is also a nutritionist. Back in April, he had a meeting about healthy eating. I went to the meeting and I really liked the plan but at that time I just didn't have the money to do it. It involved a full diet makeover and a detox. Oh, I forgot the most important part! Since April of 2009 when Charlie's parents were killed, I have gained a massive amount of weight.

The first of August 2010 I went back in to renegotiate our yearly contract, and I was told that over the last year I had overpaid. Oddly enough it was within $40 of what it would take me to start the nutrition program. I asked if they would be willing to take the overpayment and apply it to the program then let me pay the difference. The doctors agreed to apply my overpayment however they didn't make me pay anything extra. The doctor said that he had been praying for me. He said he had watched me struggle with my weight and he had prayed that if the Lord wanted me to do the program then he would make a way. HE made a way!!

To give you an idea of what is going on. Per my medical doctor and my nutritionist, my body is in adrenal failure or adrenal insufficiency. Adrenal failure is brought on by prolonged stress. To keep it simple if your adrenal glands quit producing enough hormones then your body doesn't process food(sugar) correctly, and there are a whole host of other problems that come along with it too. The symptoms include recurrent infections, muscle weakness and back pain, problems sleeping, dizziness, inflammation, hypoglycemia, headaches, moodiness, salt craving, swelling, brown spots on skin, and even heart problems. These are all the problems I've had over the last 18 months. You should see the brown spots on my face that have appeared just this year. I look older than my Mother!

In order to do the full program I must do a full body detox, and change my diet. I have to make my body start using the food that I eat for energy rather than using the quick sugar and caffeine hits that I was using. As of August 16th I haven't had any caffeine. I was up to drinking at least a pot a day if not more. Yes, I had major withdrawals. That in itself made me very angry. How could become so addicted to something and call myself a Christian? I'll have accomplished a lot if all I do is break my addiction to caffeine! As the days have went by I have removed more and more of the sugars from my diet, and as of August 30th I am only eating vegetables, protein, and a few berries. I can not have starches like potatoes, corn or pasta, sugar of any kind, wheat, flour, or fruit that is high in sugar. I can have 15g of protein with each meal and unlimited mostly green veggies. I only drink water, and herbal tea with no added sugar. Mostly, I just drink water. I've had hot tea the last few days just because I wanted something hot to drink! I make my own salad dressing out of apple cider vinegar and olive oil. I have learned to eat hummus, and I actually like it. I love almond butter with celery.

I know this isn't going to be easy. The doctor told me that it might take 60 days before I see any results. Some days when I'm eating my salad I think that I could hate this, but then I remember why I'm doing it. I want to be healthy! I do not want to die young. I have lost 5lbs as of today. That doesn't seem like much when I need to lose 50! I do feel better already. I can come home from work and not need to lay down immediately for a nap. This is going to be a long journey. I will have to make this a lifestyle change. My family is supporting me so that makes it a little easier.

I am going to try to record my daily challenges and meals. For the last few weeks I've been eating boiled eggs for breakfast, a salad at lunch, and then a protein and vegetable for supper. I do eat snacks during the day. Usually that is green peppers with hummus, celery with almond butter, cheese and olives, or cottage cheese and berries. Snacks are important to me because I feel like I am getting a reward!

Here we go....this is day 12 of the journey!

Talking, Conversations, Listening

As I get older I think more about things that I never used to think about. Lately I've been thinking about how different people are. Have you ever met someone who always talks about themselves? You try to have a conversation with them and they always trn it around to something they think or do? Like today I was talking to a lady about this past weekends youth trip. I got out about two sentences and then she started telling me about the youth group at their church. She talked for over 30 minutes!

Don't get me wrong, I am a talker! Get me nervous and I just ramble, but I am learning to be a better listener. You never realize what people are really saying or what they mean until you hear what they don't say. I want to be someone that people can talk to. I want to be a shoulder that others can lean on. I want my friends to know that if they talk to me about something confidential that it stays between us. I don't want to 'lead' the conversation because that isn't a true conversation.

Do you have conversations with the Lord? I love talking to him because he is my best friend! He is my confidant! He is not judgemental! But I want to learn to listen when he talks to me too...

Just thinking...

In memory of Loyd & Lethia Singleton

We thought of you today but that is nothing new. We thought about you yesterday and days before that too. We think of you in silence. We often speak your name. All we have are memories and a picture in a frame. Your memory is a keepsake from which we'll never part. God has you in his keeping and we have you in our hearts.

Blogging

Wow! Has it really been since Trevlyn's birthday that I've posted? I very rarely use the computer at home anymore. As a matter of fact the only time I am online is when I am using my iPhone! I wish that I could blog directly from my phone, but I haven't found an app for that!

I still visit your blogs often via google reader. It is a little difficult to post so I am now more of a stalker than blogger...

Well, life is about the same. We are a very busy family right now with a high school senior. There are so many events that I don't want to miss. I wish there was someway to record every little detail. I am so afraid that I am going to overlook something and then have regrets.

Trevlyn is still playing high school basketball. He is actual PLAYING this year not just sitting on he bench! It is so much fun to watch him play. He is so intense, and he reminds me so much of his Dad. When Charlie and I first married we were just teenagers. Many Friday nights would find us at the recreation center. Charlie playing pick up ball, and me in the stands cheering him on.

Life goes so fast...

I'll try to post a little more from time to time. Tonight I decided to post while I was waiting on the washer to finish spinning. I just heard it stop so it is time for me to go! A Mother's work is never done!

Eighteen

A letter to my son, on the occasion of his 18th birthday:

It’s quite unfathomable that you are 18 years old today. When you were first born, well-meaning people would tell me to enjoy it because it would pass so quickly. I did not believe them — and I was wrong. The past 18 years have moved at the speed of life and show no signs of slowing down. You’re a senior in high school and heading off to college next fall, which is really the beginning of your launch into adulthood.

While this letter could easily veer off into the maudlin and sappy, I think you know me better than that. Plus? I save the maudlin and sappy for your Mamaw Brenda, who seems to need it more. It makes her happy and she obviously takes comfort in it!

I was not that much older than you are now when I became a mom. One month older to be exact. I think your childhood would have been far different had I been older, more prepared for the role. I’m not sure if you noticed, but I really didn’t know what I was doing probably 75 percent of the time. I think you’ve turned out pretty OK anyway, but I can’t take credit for it. (Don’t worry, Daddy does.) You were an easy baby, a bratty toddler, a pleasant child and a pretty fabulous teenager, except for those times I want to shake some sense into you. And if it turns out that your childhood has somehow scarred you, you’ll some day have insurance that covers therapy — but don’t expect me to fork out the co-pay.

Eighteen is a huge milestone, sort of this quasi-adult age where you’re old enough to vote, drive and die for your country, but you can’t legally drink an alcoholic beverage before making the decision to do any of those things.

You may be a newly minted “adult” but you have a lifetime of learning still ahead of you. I hope you don’t mind me sharing a few — OK, 10 — things I think you should learn, things I think will be important to you throughout your life. (Son, I know you and know the likelihood of any of these things sinking in is pretty minimal, given that you can’t remember to take out the trash after I ask you three times in a row. Humor me and pretend they changed your life. I’ve got a major case of mommy brain and won’t remember writing this three days from now, so you’ve only got to fake it that long.)

1. Personal hygiene is underrated. Do us all a favor and bathe regularly (with soap). Change your socks and underwear daily. Clean your room! Your living space should not smell like 5 day old underwear and socks! Don't turn into the 'one who must not be named'! And, for goodness’ sake, don’t recycle them because you were too caught up in REAL LIFE to do your own laundry.

2. You impress people more with what you don’t say than what you do say. Remember “who needs a brain when you have a mouth”? Sarcasm, son, Sarcasm.

3. Some things are better done in the privacy of your bathroom or bedroom. Most people find belching and 'passing gas' not only to be rude but disgusting. (I know! They totally have no sense of humor!) Learn how to discreetly excuse yourself to take care of business. Remember we don't do it and we definetely don't talk about it!

4. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect. Regardless of how they dress, look, act, what they drive, where they live or how they treat you. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

5. No matter how bad you think you have it, someone’s got it worse. You can’t change other people; you can only change how you respond to them. It’s not easy but sometimes it’s the only way to cope with an unpleasant relationship, whether it’s personal or professional.

6. Ignoring your problems doesn’t make them go away. Often, it just makes them bigger. You can’t solve something if you don’t deal with it.

7. If you want friends, you have to be a friend. Don’t just call your buddies to hang out when you’re single or your girlfriend is out of town. Maintain those friendships (with pals of both genders) because they fulfill you in ways a romantic partner doesn’t, and you need that no matter how old you are.

8. People are more important than possessions. That means you call us for reasons other than asking for money, food or something you need me to do for you!

9. Do what you can to make the world a better place. Pick up trash on the sidewalk, keep up your work in the church, perform a random act of kindness as often as you can. If there is one thing I hope you have learned from me, it is this.

10 There’s lots more I could share with you, but I know your attention span is about as long as mine, which means you stopped reading somewhere around the third sentence. But I still love you, and I’m quite proud of you, even if I do still have to remind you to take out the trash!

Happy birthday, teddy bear!

I Love You!
Mama

A message from the Lord

On Sunday night our Pastor was preaching and he quoted the verse in Corinthians that seemed as if it was just for me. It says "My grace is sufficient for thee" I know this was a message sent from the Lord! Then last night at our church ladies meeting an elder sister told me that she had been praying for me and Charlie and that the Lord was going to let us break out into the sunshine. I know that a message from the Lord too because other than our family and the few of you that read my blog no one knows of that we have been going through a valley.

I am thankful that God still works in the hearts of people!

In the Shelter of His Arms

Well, it's been 2 months since I've posted, and a lot of things have happened in my life. I've still been reading your blogs and commenting from time to time. It isn't that I've not had trials because I've had plenty. Some I've overcome, and some I'm still going through.

It seems like since April that I've been walking through a valley. A dark dark valley. There is a verse from Job that describes the last few months for me.

Job 23: 8-10 Behold, I go forward, but he is not there; and backward, but I cannot perceive him: On the left hand, where he doth work, but I cannot behold him: he hideth himself on the right hand, that I cannot see him: But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.

I can't name one thing that I've been going through. I know many people have lost jobs, and are in a financial crisis, but thankfully God has taken care of us financially. I started a new job in August. I am now working back in Inside Sales for a company that manufacturers automotive exhaust products. Last month Charlie had a horrible gall bladder attack that resulted in surgery. During the surgery the doctor also repaired an umbilical hernia and now Charlie has been out of work since August 17th, but we are making it. The doctor says he may be out of work another 2 or 3 weeks. There is no way that we could have survived if I hadn't already been working at this new job making better money.

The crux of it is, I am scared. Yes, horribly frightened! I feel like that something else bad or tragic is going to happen. I have to tell myself everyday that the Lord is holding me in his arms, and that he is with me. It is almost like I have to give myself a personal pep rally daily in order to live. I don't want to be this way.

The nights are the worst. A few months ago I posted about having a dream that my Mother died. Well, dreams like that are now a nightly occurrence. Last night, I dreamt that Charlie died. I'm scared when my children drive away that it may be the last time that I see them. About a month ago my brother called to tell me that my Dad is very sick. The doctors don't know what is wrong with him and he may not live much longer. It is some type of blood disorder. The first thing I thought was "Oh, God, I can't take another death!" How selfish is that?

My only consolation is that last verse in Job...when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold. I've had people tell me that they perceive me as being a strong person, even intimidating, but if they only knew how weak that I really am.

"There are storms that we all encounter

Do not fear they will do you no harm

In the Lord you will find protection

In the shelter of His arms "