Eighteen

A letter to my son, on the occasion of his 18th birthday:

It’s quite unfathomable that you are 18 years old today. When you were first born, well-meaning people would tell me to enjoy it because it would pass so quickly. I did not believe them — and I was wrong. The past 18 years have moved at the speed of life and show no signs of slowing down. You’re a senior in high school and heading off to college next fall, which is really the beginning of your launch into adulthood.

While this letter could easily veer off into the maudlin and sappy, I think you know me better than that. Plus? I save the maudlin and sappy for your Mamaw Brenda, who seems to need it more. It makes her happy and she obviously takes comfort in it!

I was not that much older than you are now when I became a mom. One month older to be exact. I think your childhood would have been far different had I been older, more prepared for the role. I’m not sure if you noticed, but I really didn’t know what I was doing probably 75 percent of the time. I think you’ve turned out pretty OK anyway, but I can’t take credit for it. (Don’t worry, Daddy does.) You were an easy baby, a bratty toddler, a pleasant child and a pretty fabulous teenager, except for those times I want to shake some sense into you. And if it turns out that your childhood has somehow scarred you, you’ll some day have insurance that covers therapy — but don’t expect me to fork out the co-pay.

Eighteen is a huge milestone, sort of this quasi-adult age where you’re old enough to vote, drive and die for your country, but you can’t legally drink an alcoholic beverage before making the decision to do any of those things.

You may be a newly minted “adult” but you have a lifetime of learning still ahead of you. I hope you don’t mind me sharing a few — OK, 10 — things I think you should learn, things I think will be important to you throughout your life. (Son, I know you and know the likelihood of any of these things sinking in is pretty minimal, given that you can’t remember to take out the trash after I ask you three times in a row. Humor me and pretend they changed your life. I’ve got a major case of mommy brain and won’t remember writing this three days from now, so you’ve only got to fake it that long.)

1. Personal hygiene is underrated. Do us all a favor and bathe regularly (with soap). Change your socks and underwear daily. Clean your room! Your living space should not smell like 5 day old underwear and socks! Don't turn into the 'one who must not be named'! And, for goodness’ sake, don’t recycle them because you were too caught up in REAL LIFE to do your own laundry.

2. You impress people more with what you don’t say than what you do say. Remember “who needs a brain when you have a mouth”? Sarcasm, son, Sarcasm.

3. Some things are better done in the privacy of your bathroom or bedroom. Most people find belching and 'passing gas' not only to be rude but disgusting. (I know! They totally have no sense of humor!) Learn how to discreetly excuse yourself to take care of business. Remember we don't do it and we definetely don't talk about it!

4. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect. Regardless of how they dress, look, act, what they drive, where they live or how they treat you. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

5. No matter how bad you think you have it, someone’s got it worse. You can’t change other people; you can only change how you respond to them. It’s not easy but sometimes it’s the only way to cope with an unpleasant relationship, whether it’s personal or professional.

6. Ignoring your problems doesn’t make them go away. Often, it just makes them bigger. You can’t solve something if you don’t deal with it.

7. If you want friends, you have to be a friend. Don’t just call your buddies to hang out when you’re single or your girlfriend is out of town. Maintain those friendships (with pals of both genders) because they fulfill you in ways a romantic partner doesn’t, and you need that no matter how old you are.

8. People are more important than possessions. That means you call us for reasons other than asking for money, food or something you need me to do for you!

9. Do what you can to make the world a better place. Pick up trash on the sidewalk, keep up your work in the church, perform a random act of kindness as often as you can. If there is one thing I hope you have learned from me, it is this.

10 There’s lots more I could share with you, but I know your attention span is about as long as mine, which means you stopped reading somewhere around the third sentence. But I still love you, and I’m quite proud of you, even if I do still have to remind you to take out the trash!

Happy birthday, teddy bear!

I Love You!
Mama

A message from the Lord

On Sunday night our Pastor was preaching and he quoted the verse in Corinthians that seemed as if it was just for me. It says "My grace is sufficient for thee" I know this was a message sent from the Lord! Then last night at our church ladies meeting an elder sister told me that she had been praying for me and Charlie and that the Lord was going to let us break out into the sunshine. I know that a message from the Lord too because other than our family and the few of you that read my blog no one knows of that we have been going through a valley.

I am thankful that God still works in the hearts of people!

In the Shelter of His Arms

Well, it's been 2 months since I've posted, and a lot of things have happened in my life. I've still been reading your blogs and commenting from time to time. It isn't that I've not had trials because I've had plenty. Some I've overcome, and some I'm still going through.

It seems like since April that I've been walking through a valley. A dark dark valley. There is a verse from Job that describes the last few months for me.

Job 23: 8-10 Behold, I go forward, but he is not there; and backward, but I cannot perceive him: On the left hand, where he doth work, but I cannot behold him: he hideth himself on the right hand, that I cannot see him: But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.

I can't name one thing that I've been going through. I know many people have lost jobs, and are in a financial crisis, but thankfully God has taken care of us financially. I started a new job in August. I am now working back in Inside Sales for a company that manufacturers automotive exhaust products. Last month Charlie had a horrible gall bladder attack that resulted in surgery. During the surgery the doctor also repaired an umbilical hernia and now Charlie has been out of work since August 17th, but we are making it. The doctor says he may be out of work another 2 or 3 weeks. There is no way that we could have survived if I hadn't already been working at this new job making better money.

The crux of it is, I am scared. Yes, horribly frightened! I feel like that something else bad or tragic is going to happen. I have to tell myself everyday that the Lord is holding me in his arms, and that he is with me. It is almost like I have to give myself a personal pep rally daily in order to live. I don't want to be this way.

The nights are the worst. A few months ago I posted about having a dream that my Mother died. Well, dreams like that are now a nightly occurrence. Last night, I dreamt that Charlie died. I'm scared when my children drive away that it may be the last time that I see them. About a month ago my brother called to tell me that my Dad is very sick. The doctors don't know what is wrong with him and he may not live much longer. It is some type of blood disorder. The first thing I thought was "Oh, God, I can't take another death!" How selfish is that?

My only consolation is that last verse in Job...when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold. I've had people tell me that they perceive me as being a strong person, even intimidating, but if they only knew how weak that I really am.

"There are storms that we all encounter

Do not fear they will do you no harm

In the Lord you will find protection

In the shelter of His arms "

I am not a good blogger

Well, I guess it is official! I am just not a good blogger! I can't seem to fit blogging into my daily life anymore. Now I no longer have visitors... Oh well, summer is just a difficult time. We are extremely busy with church, work, and just life. When I do have a spare moment I want to be doing something with the family not sitting in front of a computer. So, when did blogging become a chore? I guess when I started sitting for hours trying to think of the appropriate topic to discuss or maybe it was when I started taking pictures just to place on my blog! What was I thinking? Well anyway...if you don't see much of me around here please don't get mad at me. I'll be back from time to time. Just not regularly. I have to remember that I didn't really start this blog to attract followers or to make money. I started this blog for me. Just to record my feelings...a journal of sorts. I started this blog to record my trials over the last year, and how with God's help we turn those trials into blessings or lemons into lemonade! As I've progressed I've forgotten to witness, and because I forgot that I was doing this for myself, I chose not to share my trials for fear that I would be embarrassed. Oh well, I am going to get back to the true reason for starting my blog. If you don't see me for a while don't worry I'll be back. Believe me I have trials daily, and God does help me to overcome them. I'll share those trials so that others that maybe going through the same thing can see how we come through triumphant.

God Bless You All!

Pictures from the Cruise...Finally

Our Boat...The Carnival Liberty

We just got on the boat, and Charlie already has an ice cream cone!

Some of the rest of the family above us!

These pictures are all from the first day! I'll post more tomorrow.

Bad Dreams

Do you ever have bad dreams? I do! I've had them since I was a kid. Sometimes they are silly nightmares and then sometimes they seem like they really could come true. The ones that ring of reality are the ones that usually take a long time for me to forget.

Last night Charlie & Trevlyn went fishing overnight with some friends, and Beth & I were at home having a girls night! Of course, the boys stayed up all night fishing, but we just ordered in pizza and watched a movie. All was well until about 4 o'clock this morning. I woke up with my pillow drenched with tears. I was having a terrible dream!

I had dreamt of what could be my worse nightmare! Losing a family member to death. In my dream I had received a phone call to come to the hospital that my Mother had been in a wreck. I was thinking, is this deja'vu? When Charlie & I arrived at the hospital Mother was already gone. We looked at each other in shock. I asked him, How could this happen again? I wasn't ready for this. We can't lose Lethia & my Mother in the same year! I told him that I couldn't survive without either of them. They were my rocks! Who was I going to go to when I didn't know what to do with life? The dream went on in so much detail that it really seemed to be reality. When I awoke the first thing I thought was I need to call Brendia. Neither of us needed to be alone during this! It took me a few minutes to realize it was just a dream. I was crying and couldn't seem to stop. I stayed awake until about 5 and then finally drifted off to sleep. The dream started right back where I had left off. We were at the funeral home making decisions. It didn't take me long to wake myself back up again. From that point on I just stayed awake. Hours later and I can still remember in vivid detail every aspect of the dream.

I spent some time this morning talking to the Lord. I talked to him about trust, and being willing for his will in my life. That is really what this is all about. I need to trust the Lord and let him be my guide. He will always be there! Charlie & I have been praying about some tough decisions lately, and I know that is what brought this dream to life. I can't imagine not being near my Mother & my family anymore. I can't imagine not being able to see them at a moment's notice.

A preacher's family is subject to the Lord and to the church. Just like when I was a child if God led my Father to work at a different church from where we were then we moved. There was no delay. I know that I have been very fortunate that my husband hasn't felt the call to move as often as my Father did. However, I also know that if the Lord did call him to another church then he would follow the Lord's will. I know that God is in control, and I need to trust him.

It's My Life

It's that time again!

If your new to it's my life (a family history project) go here for the details.

If not, welcome back!

Here's the list of this week's questions:

1. Was yours a religious family? Yes, our lives revolved around church. When I was little I remember going to church on Sunday morning, and Sunday night for service, Monday night for choir practice, Tuesday night for band practice, Wednesday church service in Dalton, Thursday night church service at our church, Saturday night church service. The only night we didn't have church was Friday night and that was if we weren't in a revival which I felt like happened every other week! Isn't it funny how you remember things from when you were a kid? Were Sunday's spent together with family? Absolutely! We always went to church together, and ate dinner together in between services.

2. Did your family take vacations? hmmm... vacations....well, do you count revivals as vacation? Usually during the summer Daddy would go somewhere in revival and then we'd extend the trip to include a little vacation time. This is how we vacationed until my parents divorced when I was 12. After that things were very different. My step-dad, who is also a preacher, didn't quite do things the same way. and our Summers were usually spent going between parents. Did you go to the same place every year? Absolutely not! Let's see if I can remember a few of the trips...I remember going to Kokomo Indiana for revival and then we went on a road trip to Mackinaw Island, Detroit, Toronto, back through Chicago, St Louis on our way home to Pampa TX where we lived until I was 12. I remember going in revival to Rockhill SC, and then going to Myrtle Beach. That was lots of fun! I do have 1 memory of a vacation that didn't include a revival...we went from Pampa TX to Colorado Springs, the Royal Gorge, and through New Mexico. I've been lots of places in the US. Some just passing through, others actually spending the night. My Daddy knows his way around the country by restaurants. It doesn't matter where we go, I can always call him and ask do you know of a good restaurant in ______ and he'll tell you right where to go, and what is good on the menu!

3. Do you remember any special stories your grandparents told you? I don't remember any particular life stories that they told me. I do remember a poem that my Mama would tell us..."Little Boy Blue come blow your horn, the sheep are in the meadow and the cows are in the corn, but where is that little boy blue? Behind the haystack fast asleep!" Granddaddy passed away when I was 3 1/2 but I remember him telling Mama to give us candy out of her stash! She would hide candy so we couldn't find it, but he always wanted her to give it to us. Did you sit on a lap when you heard these stories or did you hear them when you and your grandparent would walk hand-in-hand, taking a stroll? I remember one very special memory with my Granddaddy. My brothers and sister think I made it up because it sounds very Lion Kingish, but I didn't! I remember the day. I was really little. He was pulling weeds out of the flower bed around the church sign in Chattanooga, and of course I was helping. He began to talk to me about the brothers in the church who had died before us. He told me that they were wise and were the stars in the sky looking down on us. He also told me that when it Thunders it just God talking, and when it rains it is because God is providing water to the plants and animals that don't have anyone to take care of them. Do you tell any of these same stories to your children? I have told these things to my children. After I became an adult, and my brothers and sisters kidded me so much about it, I looked these things up for myself in the bible to see if they were true....There are several verses that refer to the thunder just a couple are ...2 Samuel 22:14 ; Job 37:4-6. The wise as stars is referred to in Daniel 12:3.

4. Did your grandparents live nearby? When we lived in Chattanooga TN, my dad's parents lived their too, and then when we moved to Texas, Mama moved with us. She kept her house in TN, and sometimes she'd go back and forth, but she always came back! My mother's parents lived in Knoxville, and we didn't see them very much. How often did you visit their homes? Their house in Chattanooga was like a second home. Mama would go back home many summers and I'd go with her. It was always lots of fun. The back bedroom was officially mine! Did the house have any special smells? Mama was always cooking. I think she spent most of the day in the kitchen. So, the food always smelled of food. When she passed away I was given the stove that she always cooked on. As a matter of fact it was the first stove that I had in mine & Charlie's apartment. Every time I cooked on it I would think of her! What did their couch feel like? The couch was brown & orange tweed. I think all couches were like that in the 70's. It was so soft though, and it seemed huge. I can remember laying on it, and 2 people still being able to sit on the other end. How big was their kitchen? The kitchen was huge! The kitchen and dining room were all 1 room. She had two big tables end to end so it felt like we could all sit in the same room and be at the same table. When I was about 6 I was running in round and round one of the tables chasing one of my friends and I fell. I hit my head on the rung of one of the chairs. I had to have stitches! I'll never forget it because Mama was in the shower getting ready for church, and she was so upset with me. She had to call Bro. Ray Smith, a deacon at the church, to come and get us to take me to the hospital. She couldn't drive because she was so nervous. I still have the scar on my forehead. Now that I am an adult I can imagine what she was going through because I was gushing blood, but then I could tell she was so nervous I just kept saying "I'm okay Mama. I promise I'm okay" At my Mamaw Brewer's house I can always remember a table with a bench behind it, and the bar stools. I remember Mamaw Brewer always had nuts that we could crack and eat. Funny thing I remember is that Mamaw always took her ice cream out of the box and put it in a Tupperware dish. My Mamaw Brewer is the only grandparent that I have that is still living. She turned 82 last week and she we all went to Aubrey's for her birthday. You know I think Mamaw Brewer still puts her ice cream in a Tupperware dish! She also had plastic cups that came out of oatmeal! When I first got married they still sold that oatmeal and I bought it just so my kids could have the same kind of cups that I drank out of as a kid!

Memories....You know what is so funny...as I'm writing these things I think about how different my sister's memories of our grandparents probably are. She is 8 years younger than me, and things were so different after our parents divorced. She was only 3 when they divorced so she doesn't remember the life "before" as we call it. She only remembers the life after.... They were both great, just different!